Chapter 57: chapter 57

“Your Majesty.”

The silence was broken.

“I know that I don’t have the right to deny.”

He could not tell if Ashite was smiling or crying. Her face was definitely telling something, but he could not tell what emotions she was showing through her face and voice.

Lu Havre sighed gently. Then silence again. There was not a single noise. Thinking that last night’s incident would happen again, Ashite shut her eyes.

She could not tell how much time had passed. Avoiding it had no use if lying or denying everything didn’t work. After calming herself down, Ashite opened her eyes again. The light slowly brightened her sight. Then the first thing she saw was him.

Lu Havre’s face was in a blur. Or was it that Ashite’s sight was blurry?

“…Ashite.” He spoke without hesitation, as if he’d been waiting for those golden eyes of hers. Lu Havre lightly raised his hand. Ashite thought that had would reach out for her.

“Your Majesty, I…”

However, the hand moved towards its owner’s face. He sighed. Hot breath came out.

The right to deny. That was how far she’d been thinking about this. Once he realized that, he felt like he saw the bottom of his emotions. He thought the lowest point of it was that she was leaving him, but there was something below that — a dark and hot emotion.

Since he realized that emotion, he thought it was funny that he kept his composure thinking she wouldn’t be able to leave him. He was stupid. He thought at least half of it would be true, but all of his composure and relaxed emotions were all lies. He even fooled himself.

Lu Havre finally realized. Just hearing the word “deny” made him shake; he could not imagine how he would react or control himself if this were to actually happen.

“Ashite, I…”

Lu Havre squeezed the words out of him. He tried to bring something up from the bottom of him. It was definitely not something soft, warm, or gentle. It was coming from the dark side of him, something dark and nasty. It made his voice crack. Although he did not lose his voice, the color of the voice was blurry.

However, Lu Havre did not stop. He knew that he was not in a position to have her just with his warm, lovable heart. He had no choice but to bring out the document that she’s been wanting. He gave up his warm feelings and brought only his greed out. It was just to keep her by his side. He tried to hide this so that she won’t be scared. He tried to care for her and her feelings, although the words she would hear wouldn’t be as warm as they sounded.

In fact, Lu Havre did not know the meaning behind that document.

It was obvious. When he wrote the document, he was not interested in her in any way. That’s how he was back then though he was deeply in love with her now. It wasn’t a long time ago; it hadn’t even been a year. He couldn’t believe how much had changed in him in such a small amount of time.

No, things were still the same. He hadn’t asked her about the story yet. He thought it could wait, although he wanted to have her. He had enough time to ask her if he wanted to know. It was himself who avoided it.

He asked himself why he did so. Before he could come up with a reasonable answer for himself, a thought came into his head between the questions.

The mother was still beautiful, yet cruel. She never filtered her words for her kid, and she knew the right timing to hurt him, too. And now, she threw her words through his thoughts and her words stabbed him through.

The denial was clear. He knew it was not. The kid had grown up, and he was now able to stand up against his mother’s opinion. His mother’s words have lost their power to control his life.

He asked himself if this was just to have her. Was this just an impulse to keep her, who he wasn’t interested in just a short while ago? Was this an emotion that made him willing to throw himself into the fire for her, or an emotion to throw her to the fire?

No, he broke the negative whispers inside, and he knew it clearly.

It wasn’t just a simple feeling.

If he wanted to just keep her, if it was just a simple impulse, he could’ve slept with her numerous times. However, he did not do that. He cared for her and thought about her again and again. That was the truth. He’d been living to his mother’s will. He got used to it, and he was just content that she could smile for what he did. He was worried that she would break into pieces.

Then this feeling; can this feeling only be considered to be fake and fabricated? Was it that useless?

No, he could make it not that way. The feeling may not last forever, but it was not fabricated. He knew this surely enough. It was correct to kill off his emotions in the war, but sometimes it was the emotion that lead him to a better way. He knew that if he never learned the correct feeling of love but he knew the worst way to do it, he just had to work towards the exact opposite of it. Looking at her, he knew he was correct.

He taught himself the correct way to love. So, he was not wrong, and these feelings were not useless.

And just as the most degraded prince could leave his reputation in history, there must have been a way to keep this love that his mother called useless. It did not just have to be pure love. Pure love could be continued with other methods.

He was willing to do it, even though the method may have been digging into his dry and cold heart and only finding that document in it.

Lu Havre spoke to his mother, who was still beautiful and sad.

So, Lu Havre told her. The beginning was from the rough bottom, but as he continued, the words came out softer. Realizing and organizing his thoughts and emotions made him feel much better.

“…Ashite, I don’t know what exact reason you are doing this for. However, I’m not trying to drag the reason out against your will.”

The hot breathing felt close. Ashite blinked her eyes slightly. Once again, her lashes shaded in her face and the eyes under it showed again. Her eyes looked like they had some spring sunlight or a gem — they were golden.

“However, Ashite, there is one thing I can tell you surely,”

Ashite was sitting still and listening. Just like a kid, she was just blinking her eyes.

“At the least, I, Etutu, and Monterobis will guarantee your life. You are well aware of this.”

It wasn’t something promising the perfectly happy future. It wasn’t something that could picture the two of them together, loving each other forever. He did not necessarily put any love or composure into his context. He just stated the facts.

“If you want, I am more than willing to…”

Ashite said nothing.

“I’m going to write one more pact with you, Ashite.”

There was nothing truer than this for Ashite. It sounded sweeter than any other words she could hear. Nothing was more heartwarming than this.

A peaceful life was one thing she wanted in her life. There was a reason why she kept on living although she had nothing she wished for. There was nothing heavier and more serious than a document that the king handwrote and Karbala witnessed. She remembered how many times she was thankful for him and how grateful she was for the life she had here.

And now, he was telling her that this peace would continue no matter how unstable or worrisome her life would be. No matter how long it took for her to heal her mind and organize her emotions, she would be able to live her life peacefully, just like she’d been doing. She asked herself, who promised this to her? That was easy to answer.

It was him who promised this to her. It was only when they barely knew each other.

Ashite had a realization. All the complicated thoughts were gone.

He was that person. The only person that she could believe in since the beginning.

“So. Ashite.”

And this man was truly trying to marry her. He was willing to share his crown with her.

“I hope you don’t worry too much… or become anxious about it.”

In the complications of thoughts, one thing was clear. She wanted to say that everything was okay just the way it is. That would be enough. Once she could think straight, various words were floating in her head: queen, royal, Skara, contempt, alone, Lante, and…

And again, she went back to the memory; mother or dance, they were almost the same word to her. Mother. Dance. Mother. Dance. Mother’s love. Dance. Dance room. Mother. Mother’s…

She slowly remembered something. A piece of memory coming out of the water.

Her thoughts were bright, and her head felt clear. She could finally know what that meant.

She could finally reply to what her mother was saying. The person who could do that was right in front of her. He was reliable and comfortable. He made her mother’s saying inside of her louder.

In the body of a grown woman, a young girl spoke to her mother. She was only a kid to her mother anyway. She knew her mother was not a fool; she would never degrade her mother like that. She never had to try in front of her mother; she just had to smile. And finally, 21-year-old Ashite could smile in front of her mother again just like a pure, white flower.

Then her mother’s voice inside of her, asking her why she was always so scared, changed.

Ashite answered without hesitation.

Then her mother smiled.

The mother said this numerous times. To live happily and beautifully. The mother only wanted happiness in her child’s life. She would say it multiple times until she left. However, Ashite never replied back to her. Now that she finally realized this, she wanted to cry for how foolish she had been.

The mother would always caress her child softly. She touched her eyes warming up from the tears coming up. She tied down her tears and closed her eyes.

It was time to answer. There was only truth left. It must have been the same for the person standing in front of her, too. She had to say the answer so that her mother could be in peace now, too. The answer was only filled with true heart.

“…yes.”