Since young, I knew that I was different from others.

I was not afraid of pain, I never cried, and I was rarely upset. Not to mention, from where I stood, the world was so beautiful.

My parents were deaf and mute, but they treated me very well. Even though we were poor, they still spent all the money on me to ensure that I grew to be as tall and strong as a horse, even if it meant that they themselves were reduced to skin and bones. They were truly a pair of pitiful humans.

Hence, I did not kill them and hid many things from them. I let them continue living happily in their penniless, windowless world, deciding that they could be muddle-headed forever if they so pleased.

One afternoon when I was in fourth grade, I noticed many students crying as I walked into school. After digging around a bit, I discovered that our elderly mathematics teacher had passed away earlier in the morning from a sudden illness. The whole classroom was filled with tears and wails as our young female form teacher told everyone with her reddened eyes, “Let’s observe a moment of silence.”

At that moment, I wanted to laugh. Why did we have to observe a minute of silence just because someone else has died? The elderly mathematics teacher loved to nag, and he always complained that my workbook was not clean and tidy enough, even though my answers were all logical and correct. In my opinion, the world was better off without him.

Unexpectedly, the form teacher noticed me and called out in a confused tone, “Feng Ye, why are you smiling?”

All the other children immediately turned to look at me with their tear-filled eyes. Oh, how foolish they looked.

I immediately pursed my lips then threw myself on the table as I began to bawl. Obviously, I knew how a good student was supposed to behave, I had merely temporarily dropped the act.

A while later, I felt the form teacher walking over and patting my head as she turned to another teacher beside her. “Looks like he’s in a shock. It’s expected though – the mathematics teacher always did like him the most.”

I buried my face in my arms and laughed.

However, just because I could not whip up even a single ounce of sympathy did not mean that I did enjoy life.

I loved the praise I got from my teachers, I loved the admiration of my classmates, and I loved this hypocritical yet beautiful world. I lived every day of my life so happily that it eventually became monotonous.

At twelve years old, I hurt someone else for the first time. That incident enlightened me as I finally understood what I had been missing all this time.

It was in the afternoon after I had left school. I was cheerfully minding my own business when a big boy darted out of an alley and seized me by the collar. At that moment, I felt a sharp pain on my cheeks; I remember becoming very energetic when this happened, excited almost.

Soon enough, I was beaten up and left on the ground. Both my stomach and my head were throbbing, and I even saw some blood from my nose smeared on the dirt ground.

Then, the boy smirked at me. “From now on, don’t even look at Zhao Tingting. She’s my girlfriend!”

Oh, I understand – she was a girl from fifth grade who had written me a love letter. I faintly recalled that she had fair skin and huge eyes.

I nodded.

The boy turned and walked away, looking well pleased with himself in the process. On the other hand, I got up without making a sound, picked up a brick from the ground and slammed it ruthlessly against the back of his head…

It would be good to mention that the boy was a year or two older than me, so his foresight was quite good. The location he picked for his sneak attack was a secluded path with tall trees lined up on each side. I crouched next to his body for quite a while, but still did not see anyone pass by. I watched his blood flow slowly from the wound on his head, collecting in a puddle of red ink before eventually seeping into the soil. Time passed so slowly then, and I still remember every detail of the incident.

I dipped my fingers into the blood before bringing it to the tip of my tongue. It had a strange metallic taste, but I could feel a deep sense of pleasure erupting from within my body when I did so.

Magnifique.

After I left the path, I made my way home as per usual, prepared a meal, ate a portion of it, then left the rest for my parents. They were supposed to return home very late that day. Later on, I went to my neighbor’s house to help a third-grade girl with her homework before I completed my own. When my neighbor saw the injuries on my face, he was quite mad. “Who bullied you?” He demanded as he applied ointment on my face.

“A senior student.” I answered softly, “It seems like it was because of a girl, but I don’t understand anything. I fainted after being beaten up, and I went home immediately after waking up.”

My neighbor was completely outraged and he instantly phoned my form teacher.

The next day, as expected, the boy’s parents came furiously looking for me at school. Their family was very well off such that they even personally drove to school to seek me out. My form teacher and a few other young teachers were a mixture of anger and disappointment as they leaped to my defense. “Look for yourselves, do you see how badly your son beat up Feng Ye? He has never had any conflicts with the other students and is an outstanding scholar! How could he have hit your son with a brick?”

“That’s right, you really shouldn’t bully someone like that. Feng Ye’s parents are both deaf and mute. Moreover, he comes from a poor background, yet he’s so hardworking. Your son is always getting into fights…”

“Could it be someone else hurt him? When it happened, did your son see the culprit?”

In the end, the matter was never resolved and I was let off the hook. However, this incident opened a new window in my life.

The first time I killed someone, I was in my second year of high school.

At the time, I had many things to ponder as Hong Kong films had only just arrived at the mainland – A Better Tomorrow, Shanghai Bund, Young and Dangerous… I could feel my palms turn hot and sweaty as I watched the scenes of fierce battles filled with flesh and blood. We had an old video recorder at home, so, when my parents went to work, I would pull the curtains shut as I sat in the dark room alone. It didn’t matter if it was rain or shine, I would freeze the tapes at the gory scenes and replay them. Over and over I repeated the process.

Suddenly, an unfamiliar impulse appeared in my heart, quickly taking control of it.

I had never felt like this before as this intense feeling gushed forward like a waterfall; it felt like I was at the peak of my emotions, almost as if entire body was submerged in an ocean of pure bliss.

That feeling was no poison, it was a cure. It was what I so eagerly craved from the deepest pits of my heart. I could not stop this lust. Furthermore, I did not want to stop it.

Life is bitter and short, and we are all humans after all. Why restrain ourselves?

Nonetheless, killing someone required technique and skill. I did not want to perform low-quality work, and I still needed to evade the police, so I had to make sure not to leave a single clue behind.

After my final examination, I graduated at the top of my year, and I finally had time to attend to my own business. I carefully observed my target for more than ten days before finally deciding to make my move on a sunny afternoon.

The location was at a small park in the city. Due to the fact that it was a work day, coupled with the fact that the hot sun was blazing overhead, there were very few people around. I sat for a while at a secluded corner which had no security cameras around, then a young man walked up the small path and smiled at me.

Bingo. The internet said that this park was the favorite meeting place for gays – I guess it was true.

The man looked to be about twenty-seven or twenty-eight years old, was quite tall, and looked ridiculously foppish. He sat down beside me and grinned. “Are you alone?”

I nodded and smiled at him.

Then, he placed his hand on my shoulders. It was so damn disgusting that I nearly puked.

“My house is nearby. Do you want to go over for a while?” He asked softly.

I thought for a while then answered, “I don’t like it outside, come to my house, the place is big.” I looked at him slightly cautiously. He laughed. “Little boy, you have a strong sense of precaution! Alright, uncle will go with you.”

“Then… I’ll wait for you at the public transport station.” I secretly held my breath, which caused my face to flush. He caressed my back once again then nodded.

We left the park one after another.

I led him to an abandoned factory in the suburbs where I had set up a hut and had furnished with an old couch and bed. My school uniform was hung messily on the railings outside.

He was taken aback when he saw it. “You’re a high school student?”

“Mhmm.” I poured him a glass of water, “Which is why I don’t dare go into the city…”

His smile widened as he swallowed a mouthful of water. After this, he tried taking off my clothes but lost consciousness soon after.

My, my… what an idiotic man, serves him right for falling into my trap.

I played until the evening of the second day before I left the factory and returned home.

I first sealed his body parts in plastic wrap so that the smell would be contained, then I separated his remains into two woven bags, which I left in a corner of the hut, covered under debris. Later that night, I carried a few pieces back home with me in a black plastic bag. After walking a short distance away from the factory, I bumped into some of my father’s colleagues by the roadside. “Little Ye, you’re picking up bottles again?” He smiled before turning to the person beside him. “This child is too responsible – his academic results are impressive too. I have no doubt he’ll enroll in Tsinghua University or Beijing University in the future.”

I nodded shyly. “Hello, uncles, I should do what I can to help out.”

When they had walked far away enough, I looked at the bulging bag in my hand and laughed at how ridiculous it was for them to think that they were bottles. What a miracle.

After searching the entire barren mountain, I finally buried that person’s bones. I once saw some police officers investigating the park, but no one would suspect a uniform-wearing high school student to be the culprit.

I started noticing Yao Meng when I was in my first year of high school. It was not only because she was pretty and did well in her studies, but also because everyone kept pairing us up, saying that we were like “a golden couple”.

In truth, I quite liked her. Since I was also a hormonal teen, I too felt good whenever my gaze fell upon her voluptuous chest and legs. When I saw her talking to other men, I felt unhappy, and when she looked at me, her eyes were neither friendly nor aloof, thus I had no idea what she thought of me. However, each time I killed somebody and looked into their horrified eyes, I would think of Yao Meng and immediately get hard.

Our confusing relationship was cleared up in the first semester of my third year in high school. One day during noon, I was eating my lunch box on the school lawn when she came over with a lunch box in hand.

“Feng Ye, you hide here to eat by yourself every day, right?” Her voice was crisp and gentle, and her beautiful face looked like a blooming flower under the warm sunlight.

“Mhmm.” I smiled at her, “Were you looking for me?”

She seemed to be a little embarrassed as she quickly shot back, “I wasn’t looking for you!”

So unconventional, so sensitive, so adorable.

The two of us were quiet as we ate. A moment later, she blinked then looked at the meat in my lunch box. “What meat is that?”

“Red braised meat.”

“I know that it’s red braised meat!” She laughed. “Is it pork? It doesn’t look like it.”

I laughed too. “You’re right, madam. It’s not pork, it’s actually human flesh. Do you dare to try some? If not, stop asking.” I picked a piece up and offered it to her.

She stared at me. “Why wouldn’t I dare? I’m going to be a police officer in the future.”

I watched as she swallowed the human flesh.

She frowned. “It’s a bit tough to chew, what meat is this?”

I placed my lunch box down and sighed. “Stupid, it’s camel meat. One of my dad’s colleagues brought it back from overseas and gave our family some.”

“You’re the stupid one.” She cast a sidelong glance at me then stood up to leave.

I grabbed her hand at once as her body froze.

I clutched her soft face with the other hand, her big eyes like two large pools of water staring back at me. “You… what are you doing?”

I lowered my head and kissed her. Though she struggled for a while, her hand eventually fell on my chest where it remained.

Since I had never kissed anyone before, I could only base my actions on what I had seen from television programmes, which was why I kissed her very strongly, even going so far as to suck on her tongue. There was the faint fragrance of meat in her mouth, as well as a clean, refreshing scent… I smelt the unusual compound and almost immediately became hard… very, very hard. Fortunately, my uniform pants were very loose, so she did not notice anything.

Looking at her slightly trembling eyelashes and her crimson cheeks, I bit my lip and thought to myself, ‘She’s much more attractive than I imagined.’

After that, I did not kill anyone for the rest of the semester we were together.

It was a very strange feeling, as if another part of my body had gained satisfaction. Hence, my desire to kill weakened. Each time I hugged her, caressed her, kissed her, and stripped her of her clothes before we became intimate… especially when I coaxed her to hold my lifeblood in her hands so that I could ejaculate onto her fair, smooth body… It was too exciting, too pleasurable. The feeling was no less satisfying than when I killed someone.

The only pity was that she firmly held on to her final treasure, whereby she would not let me enter her. Despite the fact that I had already licked the area spotless so many times, she was still unwilling to let me take it.

“Feng Ye, this is your final warning.” She said seriously, “Don’t even think about it or try to coax me – if you dare force me, I’ll report you for rape before you know it, so you might as well forget it.”

Damn ruthless, so damn ruthless. I still wanted to get into university, and I believed that she would eventually let me do it, so I relented.

Nevertheless, many years later, I regret my decision. She would be mine if she was even a bit more weak-willed.

As days passed, because Yao Meng was unwilling to have sex, I became restless once again.

On that day, the weather was less than ideal, and the sky was as gloomy as the face of a senile old man. After wandering the streets for some time, I still could not find a suitable target. When I returned home in the evening, I was rather upset. Once I entered my house, I saw Yao Meng rubbing her eyes as she got up from the couch. “Why are you home so late, I’ve been waiting for you for a long time.”

This scene was just too breathtaking.

In a room filled with warm, yellow light, Yao Meng wore a red dress, in sharp contrast to her snow-white skin. Her black hair shone under the light like silk as they fell against her body and the couch.

As I watched her walking closer to me, I could feel the same uncontrollable desire in my body spreading like wild weeds.

I did not know what the desire was for, but whatever it was, it forced me to act.

I picked her up like a princess and began walking towards the bedroom. “Little Meng, I’ll give you a memorable night.”

However, she unexpectedly pushed me away with an embarrassed look on her face. “Don’t talk about this anymore!”

Right after she said this, suppressed laughter was heard from inside the bedroom as the door squeaked open. Seconds later, a few classmates burst out laughing while holding a buttercream birthday cake decorated with lit candles.

Yao Meng was even more embarrassed as she buried her face in my chest. “I invited them here to celebrate your birthday… why did you say such stupid things!”

Oh, so that was what was happening.

Yao Meng pulled me aside and sat me down in the middle of our classmates, right in front of the lit birthday cake.

“Quick, make a wish.” She looked at me with her sparkling eyes.

No one had ever celebrated my birthday for me before since my deaf-mute parents never had the time or thought for it. I still wonder where Yao Meng learned my birth date. For such a talkative and carefree girl, she genuinely did care for me.

I hugged her waist and said. “I wish to be with Yao Meng forever.”

Everyone hooted, whereas Yao Meng’s eyes became slightly damp. “Stupid, your wish won’t come true if you say it out loud.”

I lowered my head and kissed her. “No, it’ll come true.”

I thought to myself, ‘I’ll never hurt you, we’ll be together forever.’

Our breakup happened faster than expected, but it was also quite reasonable.

Perhaps it was because other girls had richer boyfriends, that they were able to watch movies, eat chocolates and buy clothes, whereas all I could do was hold her hand as we strolled around the park together; perhaps it was because she often visited my house and finally met my dumb and simple deaf-mute parents, as well as my poverty-stricken home, which accumulated a sense of disgust within her; or perhaps it was because our form teacher had earnestly advised and reprimanded us, which made her determination waver…

Honestly, I was not bothered by her nagging as I firmly told my form teacher, “I’m serious about dating her and it won’t affect my results. I won’t break up with her.”

The form teacher sighed and said, “Yao Meng has already agreed to break up with you. Her results have dropped significantly this semester, so if you’re not thinking of yourself, at least think of her.”

When I returned to the classroom, I saw Yao Meng hunched over the table crying bitterly. A few girls stood by her side, doing their best to console her.

I walked over and sat down on the table opposite hers; everyone in the classroom was looking at us.

“Don’t cry anymore.” I ruffled her hair. “Little Meng, my love for you won’t ever change, when I’ve established a stable career a few years later, I’ll come looking for you again.”

She bawled even more terribly, but she did not try to make me stay.

Yao Meng probably did not realize that I was being extremely serious when I told her this. Moreover, I did not have the patience to spend a few more years looking for another lady who would suit my taste.

Afterward, my life changed completely.

When my parents revealed to me that I was not their biological child, I had already grown bored of my murdering spree in Lin City, so I simply made my way into Hong Kong’s university. Besides, I also wanted to find my real parents to learn why they had abandoned me.

The biggest mistake of my life was allowing Lin Qingyan, the psychopath, to scheme against me.

It was such a laughable accident that arose from so many convenient factors, that I became a serial killer out of nowhere. I initially thought that it was because the marine police officers had finally dredged up my victims from before, but I clearly remembered throwing them very far away. I could only escape the country and flee as far as I could, but it was not until later that I finally realized that they were holding me accountable for another murderer’s work.

Sadly, the evidence was irrefutable. I called my best friend, who was a lawyer, but he could only advise me carefully, “I don’t believe that you did it either, but… you’ll definitely be given the death penalty.”

I could only continue running. Afterward, I slowly managed to put together the pieces and figure out what had actually happened. When I did, I wanted to laugh.

Damn it, Hong Kong was really a land of great fortune, such that two madmen in Lin Qingyan and I managed to cross paths. I suppose that he did not even have a clue that we were actually the same kind of person.

I hid deep in the mountains of Lin City for three years.

Did I hate Lin Qingyan? No, of course I did not. If I were him, I would have done the same thing too. Becoming king by sacrificing your enemies, what was there to hate? Despite this, I was exceptionally patient; sooner or later he would commit more crimes, and when that happens, I would be able to make a comeback.

That being said, he was truly sick in the head. The fact that he dressed up his victims to look like his lovers made it apparent that after all these years, the torment he had suffered by my mother’s hand had twisted his mind.

In the beginning of my third year on the run, I met Tan Liang.

It was a spring morning when I was sitting in the cave roasting a freshly caught rabbit. Suddenly, I heard footsteps approaching before a clean-looking young man in a forest ranger’s uniform came in and looked at me quietly. “What are you doing here?”

“Roasting meat.” I cut off a piece using my dagger and passed it to him. “Do you want some?”

He laughed. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Many days later, we became friends. He lived alone in the deep mountains as a forest ranger and had no friends, so he often referred to me as his big brother.

He was not a man of many words, but whenever I asked him why a university student would go on to become a forest ranger, or about his superior and colleagues, he became extra quiet as a distinctly malicious look filled his eyes.

Oh, so he was one of us too, huh?

This world was really cruel.

While I lived in the cave, he lived in the forest ranger’s hostel, but sometimes we would spend the night at each other’s place. One night, I caught two turtledoves and brought them to his place, but I saw that his door was tightly shut. When I peeked through the window, I was overjoyed – he was holding a woman down on his bed and madly making love to her.

I knew that he had been a virgin all along, so when he finally broke the curse, I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of woman would be willing to sleep with him. At first, I was immersed in the scene. After all, I had been dry for three years, thus I became unbearably hard just watching them go at it. A moment later, I noticed that something was off – the woman’s face was pale, she was not moving at all, and her hands were hanging limply off the side of the bed.

It was only after he ejaculated on the ground that I noticed the livor mortis on the woman’s thighs. Damn, this fellow was really the spawn of the devil. Where on earth did he find such a delicate corpse to make love to? Was he really so desperate?

When I looked closely, the woman’s appearance, disposition, and clothing all seemed to be familiar.

After this, I pushed open the door and walked in. Tan Liang’s face was initially bright red, but when he saw me examining the corpse calmly, he crouched behind me and smiled. “I picked her up in the forest. Brother, do you want to give it a go?”

I scolded him jokingly, “Piss off, I don’t do dead people.”

After asking a few questions, I learned of how Tan Liang discovered the corpse. For years, I had isolated myself from the world as I stayed deep in the mountains, but at that moment, I was almost certain that this was the work of Lin Qingyan.

Fate was once again working in my favor.

Courtesy demanded reciprocation, so I decided to give Lin Qingyan a little welcoming gift.

First, I convinced Tan Liang to return the corpse wholly intact to where he found it, which he understood very well since he did not want to go to prison. Then, I fed him information on the Angel Killer incident, excluding articles regarding the culprit, which was me. Remember, Tan Liang still thought that I was some random hunter in the wilderness, he had no idea about my connection with the case.

“The devil is here.” I said to Tan Liang, “In order to study him, I even obtained some potassium cyanide and the Japan-made aphrodisiac. I know his criminal methods by heart.”

Tan Liang’s eyes were glowing with enthusiasm. “Brother, you’re not thinking about imitating his criminal methods, are you?”

“It’s hard to say.” I laughed. “If I really do imitate him, he’ll still be held accountable. I might give it a shot if the opportunity arises.”

Having said that, the degree of Tan Liang’s insanity was far beyond my expectations. I thought that he would wrestle with the idea for at least a month, but on the third day, he carried an unconscious woman into my cave. I noticed that the girl looked like a backpacker as he asked me for the drugs, which I obviously gave to him.

Once the doors of desire were opened, who could resist its pull? Unfortunately, Tan Liang was too dumb to realize that since he had captured someone from the mountains, he was just drawing attention to himself. I winced. The thought of having a teammate who was as dumb as a pile of bricks scared me. I knew that the police officers would eventually search the mountain, hence I immediately packed my bags and hid in the more secluded parts of the mountain.

Sure enough, there was soon an uproar. As I hid in the cave and looked down at the mountains from afar, I could see police vehicles continuously shuttling between the mountain roads. As Tan Liang ran into to a dead end, he came looking for me in the cave where I had originally settled down. From my new hiding spot, I had a perfect view of the trails and roads around the mountain, making it convenient for me to observe the police force at any given moment.

However, I did not expect to see Tan Liang driving a BMW and speeding towards my direction that night. There was a person seated in the passenger seat, and after stopping the car at the foot of the mountain, he carried the person out.

Due to the bright moonlight, I could clearly make out the woman’s face.

Yao Meng?

Was it really Yao Meng?

I quickly followed them up the mountain.

Owing to the fact that Tan Liang was carrying another person, I was naturally faster than him and soon arrived at the cave before him. After this, I laid down in my bed and pretended to be asleep.

“Brother, quickly get out of here.” He threw Yao Meng onto my bed. “The police are after me.”

I frowned. “Why is that?”

Surprisingly, he was rather happy as he told me about his plan with Lin Qingyan. It turns out that when he moved the second corpse, Lin Qingyan had set his eyes on him. When he disposed of the third corpse, Lin Qingyan showed up and tried to strike a deal with him. Tan Liang was dumb, so needless to say, Lin Qingyan managed to take advantage of him. Lin Qingyan told him that he had left obvious clues behind when he killed the third person, and the police officers had already started searching the mountain, so he was now a dead man walking.

Since he was going to die anyway, he might as well take the blame for him. In return, Lin Qingyan would take down his previous supervisor and give his parents a sum of money.

Just like that, the two of them came to an agreement.

Once Tan Liang finished explaining, he looked at me. “Brother, why are you smiling? Do you think that the deal was worth it?”

I laughed out loud. “Worth it? Of course it was worth it.”

I just did not expect Lin Qingyan to give somebody a taste of his own medicine. He had won yet another round; the thought of it really made my blood boil.

I then looked at Yao Meng on the bed again. “What about this woman?”

Tan Liang smirked. “I ran into her on the road.” There an obvious excitement in his clear eyes as he remarked, “Since I’m going to die soon, I might as well enjoy myself once more time. I can’t wait!”

“Give me a moment then, I’ll leave you be.” I patted his shoulder and left the cave. After walking a short distance away, I returned soundlessly and saw him undressing. After this, he began pulling off Yao Meng’s clothes.

I immediately took out the tranquilizer gun and shot him.

After I dragged the unconscious Tan Liang to the side, I sat down by the bed and gazed at Yao Meng’s semi-unconscious body, feeling rather victorious as I did so.

She was even more beautiful than I remembered, not to mention, sexier. I caressed her face, her neck, her breasts… the sensation was just as I remembered. In addition to this, Tan Liang had already fed her the aphrodisiac, so her cheeks had turned red, and her body was twitching nervously from my touch.

I smiled to myself. ‘Yao Meng, between me and Tan Liang, I believe I know who you’d be more willing to have sex with.’

I stripped her off her clothes and took her purse out from her pocket. When I opened it, I laughed.

It was a photo of her and Lin Qingyan. Lin Qingyan looked so gentle, whereas her smile was even brighter it was when she used to date me.

Lin Qingyan, that lunatic. How dare he try to claim my woman?

I placed the purse back into her pocket, then turned off the lamp in the camp and looked at her.

‘Lin Qingyan, unfortunately, this time your cleverness has worked toward your demise. I’m interested though, I wonder who will come out the victor this time.’ I thought to myself.

Her breathing became heavier as every single drop of blood in my body seemed to boil over.

‘Yao Meng, between me and Lin Qingyan, who gives you more pleasure?’

I smirked. Of course it was me. How could that old psychopath compare to me?

‘Dear Little Meng, since god has sent you to me again, I’ll make sure never let you go.’